Finding a Texan’s favorite breakfast in Portland, Oregon
One of the things I miss most about Portland now that I live and study in Philadelphia is the food. Don’t get me wrong – Philly has great food, but on a grad student budget I’m eating out less than I did last year in Portland. There I was working two part-time jobs, one of which provided a unique perspective on just a sliver of Portland’s food scene. This is a story about my time as a caretaker for a man named Mark, in the form of a review of the breakfast restaurants we visited together. I’m writing it as a way to reminisce about Portland, and sharing it in case anyone out there thinks they like huevos rancheros as much as Mark does.
Photo credit to Ali Lanenga
Mark is the dad of a college friend, and I took him to breakfast most Saturday mornings for eight months. Portlanders who eat out on the weekend have a wide variety of early-morning options, but Mark was single-mindedly focused on huevos rancheros. Those two words were music to his ears, but could mean any number of things when printed on a menu. I’ve gathered that huevos rancheros is either an inherently flexible dish, or one that Portlanders take a lot of creative liberties with. (For example, Wikipedia tells me to expect rice on the side, but Mark and I were more likely to find potatoes, toast, or kale.) I wasn’t necessarily after authenticity: my job was to find places where the ranch-style eggs would live up to the expectations of one, lifelong Texan with very particular tastes. Sitting across the table from a huevos rancheros aficionado, I realized one week that I should be taking notes. Not only would I end up with enough material for an interesting review, but it was my responsibility to keep track of how Mark liked his order at each restaurant.
Asking for no scallions here, getting the green sauce there … Mark couldn’t remember those details for himself, or form any new memories easily. It was this cognitive challenge that brought Mark from Texas to Portland to move in with his son, who in turn hired me and a few others as outing companions. Luckily, my weekly shifts included Saturday morning breakfast. Since my meal and time were both being paid for, I always ordered something a little cheaper off the menu than what Mark had. Therefore, I have not actually tasted any of the huevos rancheros dishes that I’m about to review. I must admit to violating the “write what you know” maxim, at least with respect to huevos rancheros themselves. However, after spending over 300 hours with Mark, I became very good at reading him. Of all the things I learned in that time, the most practical thing to share is my knowledge – my second-hand, out-of-date knowledge – of where to get huevos rancheros around inner-SE Portland. Your mileage may vary. With that in mind, here are the seven restaurants we visited most often, in order from least to most-recommended:
Click map icon for details, and a picture of Mark!
#7: City State Diner
Mark’s least favorite huevos rancheros are the most expensive on this list, and that was before a recent price increase. At City State Diner, the dish went from $12.50 to $13.25, with avocado still costing an extra $1.50. The one time we visited, Mark didn’t finish his plate as he usually does, though he said what he did eat “hit the spot.” Pressed for details about the taste, he said it was “interesting.” He may have been surprised that the meat-option for ranchero sauce was still green, which could also explain why he spent a while trying to pick out onions (which only bother him when they’re visible rather than blended up). Mark chose corn over flour tortillas, and they may have been slightly stale: at one point he commented that the dish was “not exactly easy to eat.” City State Diner is known for their biscuits, which are worth the visit. Based on Mark’s experience, I can’t say the same about their huevos rancheros.
#6: Jam on Hawthorne
Jam is a popular brunch spot that seems unlikely to be this low on anyone else’s list. However, the huevos rancheros are pricey at $11.95, and don’t include meat or avocado. What they do include is a hefty side of hash browns, which would be great except for the fact that Mark had no interest in those (I made sure they didn’t go to waste). Focusing on the huevos rancheros, Mark’s praise ranged from “quite good” to “pretty darn good,” seemingly satisfied by the “housemade vegetarian chorizo,” soft tortillas, and absence of onions. The atmosphere was a mixed bag. On the one hand, Jam’s popularity as a weekend-morning destination caused Mark to complain about how loud it was. When facing the right direction, however, he could tune out the noise and become immersed in one of the TVs on the wall (a Tobey Maguire Spider Man movie was playing, if I recall correctly). If you’re looking for a leisurely plate of huevos rancheros, Jam is not your best option.
#5: Harlow
Harlow is the sort of health-conscious, vegan/vegetarian restaurant that I thought would be a risky place to take Mark, style-wise. But while their huevos rancheros weren’t his favorite, he did think they were “pretty darn good.” And this was without trying the kale, pickled jalapeño, or cilantro that are included by default, and which might be appealing to another customer. Harlow poaches their eggs, which can also be substituted for “smokey tempeh or seasoned jackfruit.” Vegans will also appreciate that the “cheese” is of the jalapeño-cashew variety, a fact that didn’t bother Mark at all. He did find the crispy corn tortillas a little hard to eat with a knife and fork, but he didn’t mind taking his time: he was singing along to the Rolling Stones on the radio anyway. The huevos rancheros were $10.50 at the time and now cost $11, which is a little more than the average price for this list, but does include guacamole.
#4: Zell’s Cafe
Zell’s Cafe serves up a simple plate of huevos rancheros that earned an enthusiastic, “really good, thank you” from Mark. For $9 you get a “flour tortilla topped with black beans, cheddar cheese, 2 over-easy eggs,” and “spicy Ranchero sauce.” Though unspecified on the menu, scallions decorate the dish and needed to be removed. Also, be warned that the lower-than-average base price increases quickly with additions: chorizo costs $2 extra, and avocado adds $2.50. Despite being very cramped (e.g. the restroom isn’t ADA-approved) and always busy, fast service and quick turnarounds meant that there was never much of a wait. It was a good, no-fuss option that Mark and I both appreciated.
#3: Genies Cafe
Genies is interesting, because their best huevos rancheros aren’t the “huevos rancheros” at all. Those cost $10.50, but for $9.25 you can get the “Spanish scramble,” which is a far better deal. Both options include the basic eggs, beans, cheese, ranchero sauce, and even a side of potatoes. However, the scramble also includes chorizo – which would inexplicably cost $2 extra if you ordered the huevos rancheros – as well as jalapeños and scallions (but of course Mark didn’t want those). The only thing the huevos rancheros have that the Spanish scramble doesn’t is a pair of corn tortillas, so if that’s a non-negotiable component of your breakfast, it’s your only option. Instead of tortillas, Mark was happy that his scramble did come with a choice of toast. He even didn’t mind settling for rye toast, after being informed that French toast would cost extra. At the end of the meal, Mark declared it “really good,” whether it was technically huevos rancheros or not.
#2: Pepper Box Cafe
Of all the restaurants on this list, Pepper Box is currently the highest rated on Yelp, and it serves the least expensive huevos rancheros at only $8. Or, for $8.50, the migas menu option is very similar – had I realized this at the time, I would probably have ordered it for Mark instead. Unlike the migas, the huevos rancheros does not come with avocado or chorizo, but it does include soft tortillas rather than chips, a side of potatoes, and a choice of salsas. Being a New Mexico-style restaurant, Pepper Box offers the choice of red chile or green chile, and Mark surprised me by choosing green. He was pleased with his choice, and with the breakfast overall, saying: “It’s really good. It’s a little spicy, but not overly spicy.” Mark’s satisfaction with the huevos rancheros, and my awe of the inexpensive menu (e.g. enormous breakfast tacos starting at $3) make Pepper Box a top pick – by all means, go for breakfast or lunch if you’re in the neighborhood. However, it was barely nudged out of the number-one slot on this list due to Mark’s enjoyment of another, absolutely ridiculous restaurant.
#1: Slappy Cakes
Slappy Cakes was consistently Mark’s favorite breakfast place in Portland, to my ongoing surprise. My first surprise was that Slappy Cakes sells huevos rancheros at all. They’re a make-your-own pancake chain, with U.S. locations in Portland and Maui, as well as across the Philippines, Singapore, Malaysia, and Thailand. Batter comes out by the squeeze-bottle, for customers to drizzle onto a griddle embedded into each table-top. Whenever Mark and I went, that’s what I’d be doing, while his breakfast was being prepared in an actual kitchen. At $11.50 the huevos rancheros aren’t cheap, but it’s a big serving that includes lots of chorizo and a big dollop of guacamole. Rather than being smothered in ranchero sauce, small portions of generic-looking salsa and sour cream were presented on the side, which was convenient if different. There was also a scattering of chives along with the queso fresco, which I learned to ask be omitted since Mark would mistake them for scallions. The crispy tortillas, which can be harder to eat with knife and fork, didn’t seem to slow Mark down at all – he was obviously enjoying these huevos rancheros. How did he describe them? “They’re fantastic,” Mark said, adding: “I don’t want them to be over!” Between the exceptional huevos rancheros, the oldies on the radio, and the 8 oz bottle of liquid pancake for me to play with, Slappy Cakes turned out to be the perfect spot for Mark and I.
Mark spent most of his time in Portland not understanding that he was there, but not feeling quite at home either. In front of the right plate of huevos rancheros, though, Mark was right where he wanted to be. He’s living in Baltimore now, where I hope his Saturday mornings are still celebrated with eggs, salsa, and no onions in sight. And wherever you are, I hope you find the best possible version of your favorite thing, even if it’s as hidden as huevos rancheros in a pancake place.